...bear with me, this one's too loooong...
Between bug-filled machine problems and half-empty coffee cups, he came to me faster than I could drown my sleepiness in coffee gulps. I was a third year computer science student who got bored with school and he was a computer enthusiast who thinks that working with an internet company is the next best thing to having fairy-god parents...of course this is an exaggeration.
I started chatting sometime August or September of 1999. My ISP has a web version of a chatroom and the link attracted me to the world of chatrooms. When I first came in August there were only few chatters, but when I logged back later part of September, I met some friends and got a group: Doorman (mr.-know-it-all), kalai ( the fine colegia from UST), red (the bolero guy who turned out to be married and ended hurting Kalai emotionally, yeowch!), botchok (another bolero who turned out to be an insider) and few people who come and go that i couldn't seem to recall their names. Anyways, one night Lord Chaos came checking out "who's naughty or nice". I don't know what has gotten to everyone why they pointed me. I have just logged in and haven't really got involved into the conversation. I was the youngest in the group, that is why everyone seem to like my company...add the fact that my nick was a bit catchy ;) It was then that I met him. The nick scared me...someone who blasphemously uses the monicker Lord must be an authority. Well, he did turn out to be one. he was the SysAd of my ISP, and claimed to be "the maker of the chatroom and responsible in monitoring everone inside it." Ok big deal for everyone except me. Every night everyone seemed to beg for additional hours in their card, but i wasn't the type who would cajoled for more. In a few days, he taught me how to send private messages (PMs) and how to use ICQ which made me wonder why my 3hrs for P100 card hasnt run out yet. When I told him this, he said he gave me a few hours, even if i didn't ask him too...you see pretending to be nice in front of a stranger paid off. Among those who were there, I was the only one he gave extra hours..isn't that something? (uy, crush!)
We became frequent chatters, but one night we were the only two left chatting in the ICQ. Solely for the reason that I was a student who doesn't have a big budget to buy internet cards regularly (mag-explain ba?), a conversation like this transpired:
wink: inaantok ka na ba?
chaos: di pa naman, ikaw?
wink: di pa nga eh
wink: alam mo tayong dalawa na lang online dito.
chaos: (antipatiko as he is) ganun?!
wink: and medyo magastos po for me na laging naka-connect, sayang naman yung hours ko...
...couldn't recall what was the discussion in between, but i recalled him giving his number. I wasn't sure if I forced him (which I'm sure he would say yes) but I was pretty sure I added a touch of conservativeness in dropping hints to change our mode of communication. Anyway i called him, which led to the start of looong phone habits lasting up to 5am the next day. I remember pretending to be asleep whenever my mom goes down at 5am, or if she caught me in the phone I would tell her I was just talking to my best friend. This became our habit from October to December 1999. In between this months, I have learned his story and he have learned my saga with boys who sees me only as barkada. he heard my kilig moments and shared my hurts with these boys. He became my sounding board, my imaginary friend, my crying pillow with school, boys, friends and family. I enjoyed our conversations more than anything else. I enjoyed the idea of having the freedom to share my mind without being judged.
But like all secrets, everything has its end, ...our identities have to be revealed. Jaims have been wanting to meet me in person but I've been putting the plan off, probably out of hiya or pag-aalangan. Until finally, I've decided to meet up with him on Dec 15 in Powerbooks Megamall. I was with my friends and they were pushing me towards him, kakahiya tuloy. Shy, my best friend, teased him to treat us. It's only now that I realized that Jaims is uto-uto hehehe... He treated us all. After dinner, I decided to walk home with him. He wanted to ride a cab but in my mind I was scared. I opted to walk.
Reality check, I was falling in love with him over the phone but I haven't really given much thought about it because I was enjoying the friendship we have. After seeing him personally, I must admit it was then that I have acknowledged the fact that I liked him except that I didn't like how he looks. it's like falling in love with the person inside him but you couldn't match the face with what you feel. I must admit I have created an image of him which is far from what I saw. I still continued talking to him, trying to assess how I really feel. I have consulted with Shy and she was trying to tell me, that what matters most is that we clicked together as a person, because when we grow old our looks would change but what's inside will remain. Cliche but nice point. On December 21, while he was trying to juggle his words and emotions, Jaims expressed his feelings for me *kilig*. I knew this was coming but hearing it made my heart beat thrice as fast as it should that I couldn't speak and uttered the only word on my mind --- thank you! Hahaha! It was so funny. I almost fell where I was sitting. I didn't give my yes, I wasn't sure of my feelings then and I know that my mom wouldn't like the idea of me having a boyfriend.
Fastforward to year 2000...by the end of January, Jaims had to go to Cebu to set-up some network for their company. I admit this was the saddest one week of my life, or so I think. When he came back we resumed our usual phone habits, and on February 2 around 1am. I gave my YES..even if it was two months delayed and even if he didn't ask me any question. I was sure, I was ready to have him as my boyfriend...whatever the consequences are :)
After 5 years...
